English no problem

 

As a writer, an English teacher, a traveller and a father I’ve noticed that for some people the English language causes problems. Why this should be I have absolutely no idea. It all seems perfectly logical and straight-forward to me. One just has to remember that the greatest asset of the English language is its ability to grow. And by grow I actually mean steal. Since the Ancient Britons began using Latin words they stole from the Romans, through the Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Vikings and Normans, the English language has grown.

Then of course there were the great waves of colonialism. Where would we English speakers be without shampoo and pyjamas? Both of these words came from India. Or tattoo and taboo from the South Pacific? Moccasins from North America? Just about every part of the world has contributed to the English language.

This tendency to appropriate the words of other cultures does give English a slightly irregular form of spelling and pronunciation. But it’s really no problem. Just have a look at this list and things will become crystal clear.

 

The servant had to polish the Polish furniture.

The travellers had to weigh up which way to go.

Their home was over there.

Where should I wear this badge?

Should you sew this cloth so well?

To grow some fruit trees you have to bury the berry.

I am bored of working for this board.

The mouse told the tale of his tail.

The scrap merchant would often steal the steel.

Let’s have a cup of tea at the first tee.

I have to wear jeans. It’s in my genes.

The person delivering the mail was male.

The armies fought for the fort.

The cat had to pause to lick her paws.

It was tough to cough through the boughs though.

Evelyn Waugh makes me laugh.

He’ll heal fine in his heel.

Place the plaice next to my chips.

He wore a uniform throughout the war.

That great master of letters George Bernard Shaw left a sum of money to be used for the simplification of spelling in the English language.  One of his ideas was the word ghoti. As you can see this would obviously be pronounced fish. One simply takes the –gh from enough, the - o - from women, and the –ti from ignition.

Ok has everybody got that now? I don’t want to hear anymore comments about English being difficult.